I am a young woman who graduated from university four years ago. Praise be to Allah, I wear hijab and memorise Qurâan, and I love Islam
a great deal. I want to know all the details of my religion. I grew up in a conservative family, and during all stages of my life I did not mix with boys, even at work, and I never put any boyâs number in my mobile phone. I always pray to Allah to bless me with a righteous husband who will help me to learn Islam and Qurâan, and help me to be religiously committed. I have refused all the young man who proposed to me, because they were not as religiously committed as I hoped for. My problem started when I opened an engineering office, and I began to work in it in order to help my family. I got to know a young man who started coming to my office for some of his work. He is studying for his Masters degree in âilm al-hadeeth (hadeeth sciences), and he is top of the class in his specialised studies. I asked him if I could ask him about some matters having to do with Islam, and he asked me for my phone number so that he could tell me the answers. I gave him my number because I trusted myself and him, because he is a man who has knowledge of shareeâah, and it is obvious that I am impressed with his Islamic character, because in our society you rarely see a young man who follows the example of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and lets his beard grow. After that he contacted me and gave me the answer, and he said: You can get in touch any time you need something. After that, I sent him a text message to thank him and congratulate him on the occasion of the month of Ramadan, and he replied to my message. After that, he began to send me messages from time to time that contain advice, duâaaâs or hadeeth of the Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), and I began to reply in like manner. But I was always very happy to receive his messages, and they made me feel that he remembers me and was thinking of me, and I prayed to Allah to make him my husband, and I said to myself that maybe he will graduate and propose to me. I do not know why I am so fond of him. Every time a young man proposes to me, I reject him and compare him to this man, especially with regard to religious commitment. But sometimes I think that exchanging messages with him is haraam, so I would stop doing that, but he was sending me a message every week, and I used to reply and I thought that if it was haraam, and he is one of the people of knowledge, then how can he approve of that? I do not know if he is married or not, but I think that if he was married, he would not send messages to me; I know the society in which I live. Now I do not know what I should do, or how I can find out whether he is married or not, or if he wants to marry me or not, or if corresponding with him is haraam. Should I wait for him? I do not have anyone trustworthy who could help me. I know that in material terms he is not well off, but I used to wonder if this is the reason, because I have a share of beauty that makes many people propose marriage to me. Please advise me.
Praise be to Allah.
The Shaytaan uses various means and methods to ensnare people, including the exact phrases that you mentioned every time: I trust myself, I trust him, for the sake of beneficial knowledge, congratulations on the occasion of Ramadan and Eid. After that comes emotional attachment, then words of admiration, then love, and the matter may continue until it develops into things that are worse than that and more haraam.
You made a mistake when you gave your mobile number to a man who is not your mahram, and you made a mistake when you sent him a message thanking him, then a message congratulating him (on the occasion of Ramadan), and you made a mistake when you let him carry on sending messages to you.
We have discussed the ruling on correspondence and conversations between the sexes in several fatwas. Please see the answers to questions no. 78375, 26890 and 82702
You have two ways of ending this problem and putting an end to continuing in sin. They are:
Propose marriage to him yourself, but in a manner that will preserve your dignity and modesty.
We have discussed the way of doing that in the answer to question no. 99737
Or you can send him a message saying that you made a mistake when you allowed him to continue corresponding with you, and that you are not happy about it, and that you have decided to put an end to this correspondence.
In that case, he will either tell you frankly that he is interested in marrying you, or he will agree to put an end to the correspondence. Whatever the case, you will have achieved your purpose.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help you to do all that is good.
And Allah knows best.
Reproduced from Islam QA